He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
