Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
