oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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