i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
