I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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