I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
