last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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