So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
