So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
you will always have a special place in my vag
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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