Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
soo... how was my night?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
