I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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