There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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