you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
