im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
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