I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
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