It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
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