FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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