Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
