I look better un-naked...
I wish life had little blips of pornography
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
