the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
you inspire me to be a worse person
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
