My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
You took a bar mat shot.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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