they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
