He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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