JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
