I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
