I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
