i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
