I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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