Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
