Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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