Umm I'm too high to move.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
