I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
