She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
