I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
