I think I am morally bankrupt
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
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