I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Everclear isn't food dammit
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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