break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
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i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
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THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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