Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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