I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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