butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
