When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
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