Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
