And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
