im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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