Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
