over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
