Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
...so i touched it.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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