How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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