I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
