you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
