it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
