I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
