I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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