I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
