You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
My vagina is officially offended.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
