smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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