Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
