I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
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