she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
