I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
