So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
