Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
