I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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