college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
