I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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