Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
