I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
