you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
